Freshman Year

Sophmore Year

Junior Year

Freshman Year	Sophmore Year	Junior Year	Senior Year

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Small Poems

Wondering Why You're Gone Staring out my window. Drifting off to sleep. Wondering what went wrong, and why the pain, it goes so deep. I loved you when you told me faults I loved you when you cried, I loved you when you made me sad and when you lied and lied. If I could love you through it all Just tell me, while I cry, Why could you not love me when a girl went passing by? -Emrayla Stardust		Teardrops Teardrops hit the floor; shadows on the ground. Sad eyes weep the more; never make a sound. Make a sound. Make a sound. Scream the words: I will be found! And the silence whispers to your cold heart: You will love again; you're not torn apart. Pain will make you strong. Pain will make you grow. Pain will be your friend. Tears will strike you low. So stand up. -Emrayla Stardust
	Questions I feel the world. I want it to move. It turns too fast, and I want it to move. And it listens to me, but that's not what I want, and now I'm dizzy, so it's not what I want. Headaches come, and headaches go, to fast to write, to fast to grow. What do I want? I wanted you; I got you. Pain only followed; my heart only hollowed. So what do I want? Someone, maybe; we'll have to see. Who knows what will bring? Who knows what will be? -Emrayla Stardust
Farewell Breath in deep. Let it soak, let it seep. Calm down sickened stomach. Mind, do not weep. I am strong. And besides me sits a man of fire, who behind a grin shows weary and tire. Only I see. And when he grins at me It hurts, and I... I hide my sympathy. The hurt hurt, and he hurt me. I cannot let him in, not anymore...not me. That's how it is. So I nod and I smile, “That's nice, been a while.” “Glad your girl's well...” “Oh my mom? Doing well...” And that's how it goes. So goodbye, dear boy. I wish to stand. Thank you...by the way. My life is now grand. Farewell. -Emrayla Stardust		Never Falter Singing softly thee appear; a single green in gray. Why do thee hold life so dear if winter season's gray? And in reply, thy single leaf shines brighter than the day. It may be gray and cold for now, but soon it will be May. -Emrayla Stardust
	Why I Will Not Answer “I am waiting by the window, wondering why it is you tell me: I am useless, I am hopeless, and your arms won't reach around me; But my eyes, they keep on tearing, and your voice, it keeps on leering. So I ask you with a question, what did I do wrong?” “You've been sitting in the corner crying 'bout the words I tell you. Why not pick up all these pieces of my broken heart; I'll show you: Here's my heartbreak, here's my pain, and they're all something I live with. Here's my weary, aching eyes; what have you done like what I've done?” “I've been sitting in the corner hearing hurtful words you tell me. I am useless, I am helpless.' So what is the point, I tell you to be sitting by my lonesome, crying over hurtful feelings, if the words that leave my being are simply answered by your pain. So I will sit here, in the corner, pondering hurtful words you tell me: I am useless, I am hopeless;' maybe that's the only way maybe that's the only way to live.” -Emrayla Stardust
An Image I Remember I can remember him now: strumming on a guitar; playing chess late at night; watchin' TV by the bar. I'd ask him about life, and he'd give me a smile, tell me stories bout farm life; lived on a boat for a while. It always amazed me. That was hidden so long: that image of my dad; that picture perfect photo... Blurry eyes when you're mad. I remember it now: how my heart always bled; how the tears always came bout the words that he said. But I guess things are different when you can't hear the words. I told him my hurt; he told me absurds. So I left. So at a distance, I can love him; strength he gave me to be free; I wish...that I could save him, but I had to save me. -Emrayla Stardust		Snow Longings How I wish I could go outside, breath the air and feel my life. If only there was a place to go, memory free; and into the snow. If only, for a moment; I could hold your hand. -Emrayla Stardust
	Comfort by the browning leaves I hear the rain fall though the trees; soft music through the browning leaves yet somehow in your arms of ease, There is no sadness. And through the locking of your lips, my arms entangled by your own, I am safe, and warm, and home. And my only thought: drenched in the rain and air, surrounded by the dying leaves my hand held in your hair, is that our dreams fall from the sky; and love will never fear. -Emrayla Stardust
Callings of the Heart I will never love again, said silent in my mind; then your arms, they wrap around me, and you say your love is mine. I will never love again, for love is always blind; I tell you in a whispered voice; you say you'll change my mind. I will never love again, I tell you with a bark; then silently you take my hand stargazing in the park. I will never love again! My eyes fill up with tears; I took that path before, and I- felt pain beyond my years. In reply, you hold me close, and whisper in my ear: I love you dear, with all my heart; know this, that I care. You wipe my tears off with your sleeve, soft tears of morning dew; and in reply I hold you close, and say...I love you too. -Emrayla Stardust		Looking at the Stars I don't know what it is; maybe laughter in the dark, maybe snowflakes in your hair, or getting lost in the park, but I feel a fond resemblance to that old forgotten wheel, that goes turning round in circles always changing how you feel. And I think of times both good and bad: Freezing in the frigid frost, just because we wished to have warm hugs, and worldly moments lost. I worry about the words I say, but your smile always shows that you love all thoughts inside of me; and that thought inside me grows; that thought that says: I care for you; further thoughts I do impose. So hold me close and I will find a warm enchanting doze. -Emrayla Stardust
	The Face Behind the Mask I. I want to be ordinary. I want to wear the same clothes, same face, same everyday what-you-expect no different than everyone else soul. I'll wear it like a mask; a magical mask, that makes you invisible. People with no faces have no flaws. That's what I want to be. II. Hey you, over there! Do you hear me? Do you know me? If you don't, you will soon. I'm the rebel; the poet; the outdoorsy, in-your-face-hippy without the drugs. I eat cookie dough for snack, and sushi for dinner. I like running in the rain, and singing till my throat hurts. I'm the kind of person who wants to know something about everything, and I hate people who think they know it all. It makes me want to slap them in the face and say, you know what? You know nothing. Because in this life to know the most you must first know that no one knows anything for certain. I hate being known as the quiet one. I hate being labeled as a piece of furniture just because my mouth won't move when I try to open it; just because my only words are written; just because, just because, no one listens to the quiet ones. It makes me want to scream, and say, you know what? I exist. I'm here. If only you would listen. This is who I am. -Emrayla Stardust
Bizarre are Skies of Jade Rain drops trickle through my window; snowflakes fall from my door. On my ceiling bright white stars glow; emerald blades consume my floor. I do not know which way the wind blows, but I know it plays my song; I do not know the way the wind blows, but is sings a shanti song. A fire glows in the center; welcome, warm, a holding heart. Silently it beckons, enter;' gasping flames that pull apart. Crackling are sparks in silence; I see the sparks of conflict fade. Embers glow in beauty silence, under stars in skies of jade. I do not know which way the wind blows, but I know it plays my song; I do not know the way the wind blows, but is sings a shanti song. So this is life, my heart is saying; I wonder why we fear and hide. Embers burn, but worse is simple: souls we sadden trapped inside. -Emrayla Stardust		Unreliable I don't want you I don't want you near me. You disgust me, because you remind me of myself. I hate you; and I don't hate. This just can't be real. THIS CAN'T be real, because you don't exist. Didn't you know? Soap operas don't exist in life but they do; they lie because they do. And you're one of them. And that's why I hate you. Because: You. Are. Not. Real. -Emrayla Stardust
	Boxes and Baggage Suddenly I'm dizzy, spinning round and round again; I can feel my soar throat scraping; I can't feel my toes again. My lips are suddenly bleeding; I can feel it on my tough. sweet drops of splinter madness; I haven't felt you in so long and I want to call my lover; the only one who makes me right. But I don't know if I know him long enough to have that fight about the boy that used to be him, in the boyfriend sort of way, I can't stop thinking of him: the one who gave me night for day; and I bite my lip in madness and it bleeds a little more, I want to bleed my heart out till I don't need him anymore; but I can't say that because you're here now and that's not the thought to have now; you're what's important, you're what's right, and I don't want to hurt you. So hit me with a stick and tell me I'm not right; but I read the words he wrote to me, because I was searching for past in boxes, and I found some. Words written in red salt; and I feel it. Feel it feel it like the ghost that makes it real, and I don't get why my pain gives all my thoughts the plain appeal that the pain that makes it better is better lasting when it's real. -Emrayla Stardust
What do You Want to Hear? He says he doesn't want to read anything depressing. So I gave him what he asked for: smiles and roses, smiles and roses; he threw back the roses. Hearing his smiles, I try all the while to smile, but I'm not. And I step on the roses; petals on the ground. My voice says very little as my thoughts are unwound: Do you want me? I am depressing. I am those roses and their thorns and their tears. You want me? Then here, Have Me. Quiet Silence Bleakness Black Yelling Screaming Hold on; don't crack. Sound familiar? Probably not. It's something you hide from; you see what I'm not? Empty mind Open to pain, Empty heart Giving to pain, Empty silence Nothing to gain, Empty soul Keeping sane; So what do you think? Will you leave me? I'm used to it. I'm used to them leaving I'm used to people leaving Be like all the rest Be like Them; It's what I expect. Quiet Silence Bleakness Black, Crying Weeping Holding back. -Emrayla Stardust		Empty The empty that I see, swarms around and swallows me. Let me free. I need to breath; I need to be I need to be I need to be Why can't I see? Where am I? -Emrayla Stardust
	Black Velvet and Shadow Eyes I crave black velvet; soft with despair. I'm hurting myself but I don't care, because even darkness, has a friend. so soft... you smell like me. soft silky velvet come to me. because in the black of night I see your eyes. teary eyes. and I am sleep deprived. so I will go to bed. -Emrayla Stardust
A Tease for the Tormented I dance in flowers; soft and silk. I drink from life honey and milk. But where are you? I don't see you; you've hidden again. Lost in your own heaven; no time for me again. And I cry because the air is cold again. My feet step on thorns. Good things turn to bad things, but you don't hear my forlorns; because you left again, on soft silky clouds. And I ask: Why? Why do you promise heaven, but run away with it? -Emrayla Stardust		After the Dial Tone You never heard me cry, because they were silent tears. I curled up on the floor and cried because of all my fears: My beliefs are lies; my poems un-fun; my words are written, un-read. Too bad because if you had looked, seen tears and fears un-said. If you had read my hurts and cries, and seen the words I bled; maybe you would see my eyes, and know what's in my head. But leave me be, and you will find, a sprit; torn, and dead. Good-night Johnny. -Emrayla Stardust
	The Ground is Comfort to the Fallen My poem's filled with empty promises because that's all I'll ever get. I hate the one's who loved me. Still, their hate I won't forget. Do you know what it is to cry? Do you know what it is to fall? Have you ever tasted sorrow; blood in raindrops makes you crawl. Fill me with a thousand arrows; it is all the same. I will taste the weary daydream; nightmare just the same. Just let me fall; I know you will; and kiss me just the same. -Emrayla Stardust
Opposite Love I hate this. I hate your thought. The way you look at me with those kind blue eyes. Rose glass smile, honest lips; These thoughts--I despise. Why do you look at me with love? I am different. I--am your opposite, love. I am what you don't believe; I am everything you grieve. Why do you love me? Spiritual confusion. But the fact is-- I love you; everything about you; so don't change. -Emrayla Stardust		Love and Snow Let these dreams become unwrinkled; let them fall down like the snow. Let this love sink ever deeper; eyelids feel the heavy glow. Matches light the stars like candles, and the beauty of it fades. Fill the earthly souls with sorrow, for all colors come in shades. -Emrayla Stardust

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