Emrayla's Writings - High School: Freshman year

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~☆~

Small Poems

The Dreamland
When you look at me
What do you see?
Do you see me?
Or just my shadow?
If you knocked on my door
You’d know I’m not there,
But in a Dreamland
Away from despair;
I walk alone
Through lonely pasts
Of a life unfair
An image that lasts
With a tear in my eye
I turn my head
Away from the hatred,
The lies, and the dread
I look at the future
Hopeful and clear,
A dream I hold very,
Very dear;
Filled with promises
A paradise of dreams
I’ve filled all the details
Down to the seams;
In my mind I am there
Without a doubt or a care
In the dream land
Away from despair;
In the real world
I feel cornered and trapped
Every step that I make
Is a mountain unmapped;
Filled with fatigue
Past river and lake
I trudge on to the future
Of freedom to make;
Hopes keep me strong
In a world that’s so cold
I can only think
Of the future untold;
So when you look in my eyes
And see only shadow,
Or see me sitting
In a corner alone;
Know it’s not me
Just a clever disguise,
As I travel a dreamland
Away from the lies.
-Emrayla Stardust

In my Heart so Lonely
In my heart
I long for you,
That touch;
That kiss;
That open smile,
And in my heart
You’ll always be,
As I hope
You’re close to me.
I haven’t seen
Your smiling face,
But in my heart
You have a place.
So every place or house or nook
I look for that
Special look,
And in my dreams
Late at night
You come to me,
And hold me tight,
And in your arms
You sooth my pain,
With your charms
All through the rain,
But you must go
And drift away,
But as you go
I here you say,
“I promise you
I’ll come some day,
But as for now
What comes what may,”
And as the moon
Shines in my eye
I start to cry
And want to die,
But you are gone,
And the days are long,
Until I sing
That joyful song
Of a love
To hold me tight,
In the world
Where all’s not right.
-Emrayla Stardust

There is a man
There is a man,
I fear him so;
There is a man,
I hate him so;
And as I lie here
In my bed,
With stuffed animal
Behind my head,
I cry for him,
I cry for me,
As I hide
Under lock and key.
He does not strike,
Nor hit,
Nor punch,
But hurts my soul
With a painful crunch;
You’re stupid!
You’re selfish!
I hear his voice say,
And so the words come,
Many a day.
He won’t let me leave,
He loves me too much,
He’ll cry at my feet,
He’ll miss me so much;
But here I hide
In my room all alone,
Away from him
Away from his home,
But I know he will come,
To this house,
To this door,
And kneel on his feet
And say bad thing no more;
He will beg,
And he’ll plea,
And he’ll ask
Just for me,
But I cannot face him,
I cannot disgrace him,
I can only hope
That he’ll leave me alone.
If you were to meet him,
If you were to greet him,
You still wouldn’t know him;
You’d know him a child,
A child
Who’s used to
The game of beguiled;
You may wonder why,
Why I’d leave him alone,
And refuse to talk to him
In person or on phone,
But you do not know him,
You have not seen him,
When he is angry
About you alone;
He’ll yell,
And he’ll guilt,
And I’ll cry with all might,
But that only makes
Longer the fight.
Now you may ask,
Who is this man?
Who makes my life miserable,
As much as he can;
He is not a husband,
Nor boy friend I’ve had,
Instead a known role model,
A father, my dad.
I am fifteen,
And much I have seen,
That makes me hide
And be as shy as I’ve been;
I don’t need your pity
Or your grief aimed at me,
He’s always been there,
Cowering me;
But don’t worry about that,
I’ve become strong as can be,
Tomorrow will be different
Just wait,
And you’ll see.
-Emrayla Stardust

Every Day I Go Online
Every day I go online
As I wish and hope
And pine
Maybe today
I’ll see a friend
And make a friendship
That will not end,
Maybe today
I’ll meet someone
To hold me when the work is done,
Maybe today
My life will change
A brighter day
A smile my way,
But right now
I’m all alone
So I will leave
Staying on phone
So at a distance
Maybe I’ll hear
The ringing of chimes
From a friend so dear,
Please be patient
Far may I be
But dear is your greeting
You’re greeting to me
So please leave a message
After the tone
So I may say hi
On IM or on phone
….~Beep*~….
-Emrayla Stardust

Silent Ache
Quiet
Silence
Bleakness
Black,
Yelling
Screaming
Hold on
Don’t crack;
Empty mind
Open to pain,
Empty heart
Giving to pain,
Empty silence
Nothing to gain,
Empty soul
Keeping sane;
Quiet
Silence
Bleakness
Black,
Crying
Weeping
Holding back.
-Emrayla Stardust

Back to the Top

The Dreamland When you look at me What do you see? Do you see me? Or just my shadow? If you knocked on my door You’d know I’m not there, But in a Dreamland Away from despair; I walk alone Through lonely pasts Of a life unfair An image that lasts With a tear in my eye I turn my head Away from the hatred, The lies, and the dread I look at the future Hopeful and clear, A dream I hold very, Very dear; Filled with promises A paradise of dreams I’ve filled all the details Down to the seams; In my mind I am there Without a doubt or a care In the dream land Away from despair; In the real world I feel cornered and trapped Every step that I make Is a mountain unmapped; Filled with fatigue Past river and lake I trudge on to the future Of freedom to make; Hopes keep me strong In a world that’s so cold I can only think Of the future untold; So when you look in my eyes And see only shadow, Or see me sitting In a corner alone; Know it’s not me Just a clever disguise, As I travel a dreamland Away from the lies. -Emrayla Stardust		In my Heart so Lonely In my heart I long for you, That touch; That kiss; That open smile, And in my heart You’ll always be, As I hope You’re close to me. I haven’t seen Your smiling face, But in my heart You have a place. So every place or house or nook I look for that Special look, And in my dreams Late at night You come to me, And hold me tight, And in your arms You sooth my pain, With your charms All through the rain, But you must go And drift away, But as you go I here you say, “I promise you I’ll come some day, But as for now What comes what may,” And as the moon Shines in my eye I start to cry And want to die, But you are gone, And the days are long, Until I sing That joyful song Of a love To hold me tight, In the world Where all’s not right. -Emrayla Stardust
	There is a man There is a man, I fear him so; There is a man, I hate him so; And as I lie here In my bed, With stuffed animal Behind my head, I cry for him, I cry for me, As I hide Under lock and key. He does not strike, Nor hit, Nor punch, But hurts my soul With a painful crunch; You’re stupid! You’re selfish! I hear his voice say, And so the words come, Many a day. He won’t let me leave, He loves me too much, He’ll cry at my feet, He’ll miss me so much; But here I hide In my room all alone, Away from him Away from his home, But I know he will come, To this house, To this door, And kneel on his feet And say bad thing no more; He will beg, And he’ll plea, And he’ll ask Just for me, But I cannot face him, I cannot disgrace him, I can only hope That he’ll leave me alone. If you were to meet him, If you were to greet him, You still wouldn’t know him; You’d know him a child, A child Who’s used to The game of beguiled; You may wonder why, Why I’d leave him alone, And refuse to talk to him In person or on phone, But you do not know him, You have not seen him, When he is angry About you alone; He’ll yell, And he’ll guilt, And I’ll cry with all might, But that only makes Longer the fight. Now you may ask, Who is this man? Who makes my life miserable, As much as he can; He is not a husband, Nor boy friend I’ve had, Instead a known role model, A father, my dad. I am fifteen, And much I have seen, That makes me hide And be as shy as I’ve been; I don’t need your pity Or your grief aimed at me, He’s always been there, Cowering me; But don’t worry about that, I’ve become strong as can be, Tomorrow will be different Just wait, And you’ll see. -Emrayla Stardust
Every Day I Go Online Every day I go online As I wish and hope And pine Maybe today I’ll see a friend And make a friendship That will not end, Maybe today I’ll meet someone To hold me when the work is done, Maybe today My life will change A brighter day A smile my way, But right now I’m all alone So I will leave Staying on phone So at a distance Maybe I’ll hear The ringing of chimes From a friend so dear, Please be patient Far may I be But dear is your greeting You’re greeting to me So please leave a message After the tone So I may say hi On IM or on phone ….~Beep~…. -Emrayla Stardust*		Silent Ache Quiet Silence Bleakness Black, Yelling Screaming Hold on Don’t crack; Empty mind Open to pain, Empty heart Giving to pain, Empty silence Nothing to gain, Empty soul Keeping sane; Quiet Silence Bleakness Black, Crying Weeping Holding back. -Emrayla Stardust